Guggenheim: pay and you will be an artist.

   Texto: Pablo Maņé.

Have you got money, would you like to be an artist? This is your opportunity, it is not cheap but I guarantee you success.
Besides why should you waste your life fighting with art dealers,critics, art galeries and buyers? Letīs see, what do you do? Thatīs right you donīt have to an artist, anything to do with art we will sell it as art, from selling dolls,motorbikes or instant mash, it doesnīt matter. Following our guidelines you will be able to prepare a campaign that will make you look like Picassoīs brother.

 

 To show you this we will follow the steps of a successful designer, Mr Giorgio Armani. According to "The New York Times", his first move was to have donated the philanthropic amount of 15.000.000 dollars to the Guggenheim foundation. Maybe a little bit too much for your budget? Well we did warn you that it would cost a bit.


IWhat we first have to prepare is what the technics call "marketing" but we have to dress it up a bit. You canīt simply say, Look , a firm with a lot of employees that design things. We are not on the right road if we say that. If you want to be considered sensitive and spirtual you have to invoke the east. It might be a hackneyed resource, but it does work. If you sell instant mash, say that your art came from joining the American potatoe with the old distillery technics of rice, discovered by the Chinese master Xiong Okayé. I donīt think anyone could say no to that. Take a look how Guggenheim puts it across to you.

"You can appreciate the direct transposition fo the elements of the Japanese culture in the traditional kimono versions or the Samurais o-yori armour."
You also have to say that you have broken with the traditional ties (something very recommendable for real artists) Your instant mash has become a true revolution, you have changed the conducts, by breaking the manual elaboration. Letīs see what the museum artist critics say:

"Armani started an authentic revolution in the fashion world with its badly structured jackets without lining for men" (...) "three months later he presented the same type of jacket for women."

Do you think that nobody is going to believe that? Well donīt miss our tips. These slogans that appear in documents handed out by Guggenheim are repeated through all medias; such as an art magazine from Spain which dedicates 6 pages in colour and that talks about 400 pieces. The magazine even advertises the promotion of a line in cosmetics by the designer.

That reminds us of the convinience of bringing out a new product. For example the instant mash. With the promotion that youīll get without paying the media , you will have the best advertising campaign.

            

   

Then you have to have a party and bring or hire famous people who are followed by other types of media. Itīs also important not to leave out potencial buyers. You have to say the mash is the joining fo the west with the east, traditional cooking with modern, practical with sophiscated, etc., Letīs see how the Italian businessman from his resonance made from titan box had to say:

"Modern with traditonal, East and West, black and white, old and new, functional and fanciful, elegant and sport. This style is at the same time very sophiscated and pret-a-porter, it gives out a calm confidence, sobrity and refinement, yet with a sensual air with a democrital vocation."

So it can be good as a hairgrower and shaver all in one, oh by the way donīt forget to be democratic.

Itīs also convenient to place a publcity chime to it, which we will call music specially created for the exposition which in the case of Armani, he combines atavistic melodies with oriental rhythms but without predominating the exposition.

Donīt worry if you think that people could be reluctant to come forward and buy the product, weīll take them to your product. People willing to buy it are paying for an ancestral meal in the presentation of the future, a symbol of intelligence and efficiency. Do you think we are over-doing it a bit? Well read what the museum says:

"To acquire an Armani suit has converted itself in an initiation rite, a success longed-for."

To be a well-known artist there are two ways. You can penetrate into the incertain path of creating, come across ghosts, give birth to your own creation, away from the fashions but near the personal and always understood by a minority or you can simply pay for it. 
If money is the problem, well you can always put up a contempory museum.